


Noctis' Own Angsty Thoughts

by BalloonBalls



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: By the way please this is heavily based on the anime as well, M/M, gotta love angst, so watch that before this thank
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-23 17:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11994648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BalloonBalls/pseuds/BalloonBalls
Summary: Wee-hoo I've finished Final Fantasy XV finally and I wanted to write about it because why not???? Okay so this is what's on the plate today.Self sacrifice. That's probably something no one wants to ever do, so why must it be thrust upon a certain line of men at birth? Kings. Well, Noctis isn't willing to let himself and his normal life go but he doesn't want to abandon his duties since everyone thinks he will. It all gets to him and he's not okay with that.





	Noctis' Own Angsty Thoughts

The apartment was cold, and lonely. The windows looking out into the night sky and the town below, it was a funny feeling of a small fear of heights. He couldn't be afraid though, his future wouldn't allow it. Noctis never would admit it, but he felt lonely a lot of the time. The only person who's ever really around is Ignis, and he'd never tell him that. He'd stop by to try to create a pastry replicated to his childhood and it'd either be too sweet or too tart. But in all honesty, Noctis hoped he'd never get it right because it was almost like a daily tradition. 

Not only that, but Ignis' constant nagging. Yeah it was kinda annoying to hear him talk about his responsibilities not only as a student but as a king in training. Though Ignis' presence was comforting, knowing that someone was there in the small comfort of his home. He wasn't the best person to talk to when something is wrong, but he was good for some actual living support so he would be babied in that palace if it wasn't for Ignis.

However with Ignis always shoving his responsibilities down his throat, it forces him to actually think about it and confront it like the man he's supposed to be. But he's not a man, not at all. He's still in high school and he's told on a daily bases that he has to become the thing, the one thing that's slowly weakening and killing his father. The king. The shield that protects Insomnia. And no matter in what light he thinks about that, it scares him to death.

At first, Noctis was really excited to move out of the palace and to start living on his own. He wanted to spend his high school years living pretty normally, the only part of his life he can say and pretend is normal. Though since he is living on his own, the castle takes that as a growth in himself, in adulthood. So now the threat of kinghood is pushed further and further on him and that's not okay to him. 

Though no matter what he can't fight it. He's tried, of course he's tried. He's tried his damnest to get out of this kings fate but that's not possible for him. Not only that but when he express his disliking towards kinghood, people give him crap for it. They tell him, "You're acting like a child Noctis. Grow up and stop whining! You really don't care about your kingdom do you?". He just wanted to scream at them that it's not like that at all, he doesn't want the kingdom to fall but he's just a boy and he's not ready to die.

But who'd listen to a whiny, spoiled brat like him? That's what everyone sees him as, a child who can't appreciate what he's got. How is he supposed to appreciate what he has when it was the fall of his great grandfather, and grandfather, and soon to be father, and eventually him. It's almost as if Death had put him in the lap of luxury and held him close, embracing him but then stabbing him in the back when the time comes. Whispering his death plans in Noctis' ears as he grows more and more into death's embrace. It didn't feel so warm anymore. But did it ever feel warm in the first place? 

Noctis let his head fall back onto the couch cushions, looking up at the ceiling. Finals were coming up soon, and his scores were alright. They weren't great but they were better than his friend's scores, Prompto. Prompto wasn't the brightest person he knew, not by a long shot. But he was his only friend in his school. Everyone turned heads from him because he was a prince, or they'd be all over him. There was no in between at that point. No one really wanted him as a person, only as a prince or soon-to-be king. 

But there was one, one overweight boy who fell in front of him back in gradeschool. Then years later talked to him like they've been friends since that fall. Noctis, of course, questioned the blonde's sudden friendliness when they first met but he never asked those questions out loud. He almost didn't want to know why he was so friendly to Noctis. He used to think Prompto was using him or something, of course that was a first thought. But they've been friends for a while now and he hasn't done anything yet so Noctis kind of stopped thinking so much about it. 

A funny story was when Noctis came to school with bruises on his body. Prompto nearly had a heart attack when they met up at the school gates. He asked around twenty questions and was so close to just out lashing on whoever hurt his best friend. That's when Prompto ended up meeting Gladiolus, his trainer in combat. Gladiolus and Prompto's first meeting was an interesting one to say the least, and they kind of even got along at first but Prompto still wasn't happy that he beat up his friend like that and Gladiolus liked that in Prompto so he deemed him alright for Noctis. 

Gladiolus and Noctis always had a strained relationship of sorts. Gladiolus was always trying to better Noctis, making him stronger and better. Though Noctis was hurting and he didn't really like Gladiolus toughness on him. He liked him as a person and all but his training was intense and his intense anger on the battle field made it hard to not associate that with Gladiolus off the battle field. But Gladiolus meant well to Noctis, just as Ignis did. They were like another set of parents per say to him, but they were still his friends. They were his parent friends, but when was the last time he could talk to his actual, biological father about his fear of kinghood? Never, last he checked. 

With each and every passing day, he learns more and more about his father's failing condition. But no one ever seems to give a damn that his father is losing his life. It's all just a process, it was 'his duty' to die for this kingdom. His father never deserved this, and neither did Noctis. He could just never understand how his father just let this happen to himself, it's taking his life and he just lets it happen because it's his 'duty'. Neither of them signed up for this, and neither of them signed up to die for people he never even knew. 

And how is this selfish or selfless anyway? If it was his choice, then it'd be selfless or selfish. But apparently since he doesn't want to die and never even have a life to live he's suddenly a selfish, pompous prick. It was all infuriating, and he shows it too. Everyone ends up telling him he'll understand when he's older, he'll grow up and appreciate the role he's been given. Since when did age mean he'd be okay with death? 

Noctis would rarely express these feelings to anyone anymore. He's sick and tired of the people telling him to just suck it up or to just grow up so he doesn't talk about it anymore. The people talk of course, they smile because Noctis seems older and wiser now without showing his constant hatred toward his kinghood. But of course one faithful outburst with Ignis made the entire palace scoff at him and frown, saying how 'I knew he wasn't old enough yet.' or 'He's not fit to be a king, there's no point'. And Noctis wasn't sure which part was more infuriating. 

Still, all these thoughts are like strings wrapping around his neck and hands, pulling up, controlling and killing him. It's silencing him and he's dancing around like a puppet that can't say anything. He couldn't really call out to anyone, except for someone. He could always reach out to Prompto. He never liked to express his concerns or worries to Prompto, ultimately killing the bright aura that surrounds Prompto. They've talked about it once or twice, but in a joking manner that lead to stupid jokes and Noctis feeling a little more annoyed with his situation.

Was it even worth talking to Prompto about it? There's nothing he can do about Noctis' situation so is there even a use? He'd just be whining about stupid stuff and it would probably just end up inconveniencing him. Besides, it was, what, 12 in the night? Prompto was probably asleep since that guy is always one for his leisure and naps. Noctis was like that too but Prompto always took the cake. But still, maybe he could just reach out to him, just once, with his stupid worries that he can't control. 

Noctis sat up, stretching. He looked out the window once again, the town under him as it always is. The little kingdom that he has to rule someday, or rather, the little kingdom that's slowly ruling him. He ran his hand through his messy hair that stuck up in an unnatural way that gravity can't explain. Noctis scoffed at the town below him and pulled out the phone that was in his pocket. The lights in his little apartment were off, so when he turned on his phone it was like someone just shone the heavens holy light right in his face. It was not pleasant. 

Noctis went through his contacts, scrolling down...and down...and down...and then up....and up...and down....and up. He was certain he learned the alphabet so why is the location of the letter P eluding him? Ah! There it was, right between O and Q! ...Did everyone have this problem or was it just him? He shook off the thought and clicked on the contact named 'Prompto' being flashed with the options of CALL and TEXT. He sighed, looking at the two options. If he just texted him then he didn't risk waking him up. Which is the selfless thing to do. But if he calls then he'd probably feel better...but he's being selfish. 

Noctis sighed in annoyance, staring at the two options like they were two buttons, one that cures cancer and the other that ends world hunger. Well...he was already selfish to begin with, coming to Prompto selfishly with a selfish problem. What's one more selfish act? It's the cherry on top of the tart sweet. Noctis clicked the call button, and suddenly the call tone was blared through the house since he put his phone on speaker. 

It rang three times, and he was about to just hang up entirely after the end of the second ring, but then the rings stopped and he heard silence. "...Prompto?" Noctis asked on the other end of the line a little too quietly. "Noctis?" Prompto asked, his voice muffled and low. It sounds like he'd just been roused from sleep. Noctis tensed at the sound of Prompto's voice, he had selfishly woken him up. "Hey man, the party starts at 12 why are you sleeping through it?" Noctis asked, forcing himself to light up the atmosphere for Prompto's sake. Then again, to him it's probably already light. 

"The party is me, when I'm sleeping the party is dead. I control the party." Prompto said, and there was also shuffling on the other end of the line. He must've been sitting up in his bed. "Well then that's one short party, considering your sleeping hours." Noctis said jokingly, and Prompto laughed. "...But seriously, why did you call? You're usually not up at this hour. Well if you are, you never let me know that you are." Prompto said, and Noctis tensed up again.

"I uhm...can we talk?" Noctis asked, and there was silence for a minute. "...Yeah, what's up buddy?" Prompto asked, concern spilling through his words. "I just...you know how I've been living on my own lately? So I can learn to be more mature and to prepare me for kinghood?" Noctis said. "Yeah?" Prompto asked, no jokes behind it. "I just...Prompto...in all honesty....I don't want to be king Prompto." Noctis said, and his voice was cracking under the weight of his words. 

"...Why?" Prompto asked. Noctis took a deep breath to compose himself. "I just...Prompto...I don't wanna die..." Noctis said, and his composure was lost once again. He could feel tears welling in his eyes, and he wasn't sure if it was from sadness or anger. "What do you mean you don't want to die? What are you talking about?" Prompto asked. "My dad is dying Prompto, he's dying and no one gives a shit because he's the king so it's his duty to just lose his entire life just because he's a God damn king." Noctis said, and his tears spilled. And once they spilled they wouldn't stop. 

Prompto stayed silent for a moment while Noctis sobbed. He was hiccuping and shaking, all his fear and anger taking over him. "I don't have a life to live Prompto...I want my life Prompto. I don't get to live my own fucking life Prompto! My life is ruled by the one thing I'm supposed to be ruling over and I just can't fucking grasp that this is supposed to be fine!" Noctis shouted, his voice echoing through the walls of his small apartment. "Noctis-" "It's not a fucking selfless or selfish act if it's not my God damn choice!" Noctis screamed, and then Prompto went silent. 

Prompto took a deep breath, then let it out before speaking. "Yeah, your life isn't yours to rule. But you know what is yours to rule? This little time that you have right now. You go to a high school with normal people, and yeah people don't talk to you because you're the prince but hey, I decided to talk to you. And now look at us, we're best friends! We get to go after school and go to karaoke. Or we get to go to a little cafe and complain about sucky teachers. We're teens right now, and we're living as we like as teenagers. We can spray paint the entire school with 'Noctis rocks!' or we can just eat as much delicious food until our clothes don't fit us. Your overall life may be ruled but you have right now, and right now you're letting it rule your free time." 

Noctis stayed silent for a moment, his eyes wide as the tears started to flow a little less. 

 


End file.
